Teabagging and Happy Endings

Thought I might grab you attention with that…

Littlefoil and I were at Friendly’s restaurant the other day and after we finished lunch our waitress cheerfully asked me if I wanted a happy ending,

Which, in the world of casual dining ice-cream restaurants, means a little ice-cream sundae for dessert.

And I was transported to a marketing meeting at Friendly’s corporate HQ…

Sr. Marketing VP: OK team. We need a snappy name for the dessert that will come with the lunch specials…let’s just spit-ball some ideas here…shout ‘em out.

Marketing Flack #1: How about “Afternoon Delight?”

Sr. Marketing VP: I like it. Might have a problem getting the rights though. Have legal call the Starland Vocal Band and make inquiries. Good start though, Anyone else?

Marketing Flack #2: How about a name that suggests something luxurious…like a “Pearl Necklace?”

Sr. Marketing VP: Not bad…a little off-topic but I like your thinking.

Marketing Flack #3: How about a “Dutch Oven?”

Sr. Marketing VP: A what? No…focus people! Ice-cream is what we do here. It’s what brings ‘em in…keep going…

Marketing Flack #4: I’ve got it! How about the “Rear Admiral?”

Annnnnd scene! Twenty five minutes later they settle on “Happy Ending.”

Someone in that room knew right? Someone must have known. And they kept their mouths shut. Probably figured that they’d let the Sr. VP hoist himself on his own petard. Probably never dreamed that “Happy Ending” would actually make it through the vetting process.

And the next thing you know, I’m having a wholesome father-son moment with Littlefoil and being propositioned for a hand-job at the same time.

I picture the very same scene way back when the Tea-Party protesters were getting organized. Only this time it wasn’t around a conference table at a corporate HQ but rather around the kitchen table of some crazy, Christian, conservative nut-job (CCCNJ).

CCCNJ #1: You know…I’m just not ready to raise my family in a socialist country!

CCCNJ #2: And that’s why we need a snappy name for our conservative, racist, homophobic anti-tax movement that won’t reveal how far out on the fucked-up fringe we are.

CCCNJ #1: You’re right! Something that harkens back to a simpler time when we didn’t have to worry about godless communists teaching evolution in integrated classrooms!

CCCNJ #3: Something that connects us to the past…to our history…

CCCNJ #1: How about we organize a modern-day tea party?

CCCNJ #2: That’s it! And we’ll call ourselves “Tea-Baggers!”

And thus, you and I have the distinct pleasure of watching a bunch of racist homophobes proudly refer to themselves as “Tea-Baggers.”

Life does have its rewards.

Oh what’s that you say? Maybe I’m being too hard on the Tea-Baggers? After all, “racist” is a pretty strong word…

Yes it is! Strong and appropriate. ABC reported on the first ever National Tea Party Convention where the opening night speaker was former Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-Colo).

Tancredo ripped into President Obama and the “cult of multi-culturalism.”

“Multi-culturalism”…thinly veiled code that even the racist rednecks at this convention understood.

Still have doubts? Tancredo went on to assert that Obama was elected because “we don’t have a civics literacy test before people can vote in this country.”

It appears that Tancredo was not taught evolution or history in school. Before the federal Voting Rights Act in 1965, many southern and western states used elaborate voter registration procedures and so-called “literacy tests” to deny blacks the right to vote.

Another glimpse behind the curtain!

Oh, by the way, guess who will be delivering the keynote speech at the National Tea Party convention tonight...

Sarah Palin.